*Today’s post is suppose to be dedicated to Decor & Details. However, now that I am planning a wedding, I thought it would be fun to stray away from that every once in a while and ask our Lovely readers to help me out with some details!
Now that I’m engaged, I’m super excited to dive right into planning (obvi!) And, according to “The Bride’s Book Of Lists: Things to Do & Questions to Ask” (Note: Yes, I went out and purchased this planner/book. I may work in bridal but I have never planned a wedding so don’t hate!) one of the first things I have to take care of is my wedding attendants. You know, who will be a bridesmaids and who will not.
Back in the old days, weddings were a little less…pleasant than they are now. Since marriages were often arranged between tribes, the groom would head over to the bride’s tribe where he would kidnap her. Often met with resistance (you go girl!) the groom would enlist his best man and groomsmen to go with him and make sure everything would go smoothly. Crazy, right?
Now, I’m not one to stray away from tradition (Okay, I lie. Yes I am. But still!) but is it totally necessary to even have wedding attendants? When I was about 16, I told my sister she was not going to be my maid of honor when I got married. (I know–so mean. But knowing my sister she probably started it!) Of course, my mother overheard this and was super upset I would say such a thing to my lovely (if only my mom knew!) sister. I explained to my mother that my maid of honor would be someone I consider my best friend. Fast forward to 2012 and here I am–in the midst of picking and choosing. Now that we’re older (and live in different cities), my sister and I get along much better. Having said that, I still don’t know that I would pick her as my maid of honor. However, I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Basically, I don’t want to choose which of my girl friends are most important to me and which get to sit on the sidelines. I just want my day to be about me and my fiance. Nothing else.
Now, I’m leaving this to you lovelies. What do you think? Am I crazy for not wanting wedding attendants? Should I stick with tradition or break the mold?
Photo via Ruffled.
If you don’t want attendants, don’t have them! They are totally unnecessary (though if you want them, have them). Don’t get sucked into thinking you HAVE to do everything as it says in the books. The best weddings I’ve been to are the ones where the couple have done things THEIR way, not followed every single rule, and ruined the months leading up to the wedding by stressing over ribbon colors and tying up silly bags of sugared almonds.
Plus, if you read my blog at all, you’ll know maids of honor, and bridemaids, cause a lot more problems than they ever solve!
Enjoy the planning, and remember, do it you way.
hi, I randomly found your site by stumbling and I’m getting married in June without a wedding party.
I agree with my honest answer. I had a scenario a few weeks ago where I chose my best friend as maid of honor over my sister because we were closer. Unfortunately, my maid of honor was of no help in making my life easier and even called me up and told me she was backing out of the wedding because she couldn’t afford her dress. I recommended she choose a different dress that was cheaper in the same color I wanted. (David’s bridal had some on sale for $30.)She ignored me and wanted to buy a clubbing dress for $5 cheaper in a totally different color. I felt sorry for her and agreed that would be okay and then found out later that she was spending outrageous money on other things. Not to mention that she went to try on that clubbing dress she had to have and complained it didn’t fit right. I know that my wedding is my day but it was just $30 dollars. She chose to buy a $150 headset for an xbox instead.
So…Bottom line.. it’s your wedding and if you don’t want to deal with the stress of bridesmaids complaining about color, price, etc. then it’s definitely your choice. I decided that the most important thing was for me and my fiance to be present. Everything else is secondary and a plus.
oh and ps. I felt bad that I hurt my sisters feelings so I literally ate my words and maid her my maid of honor and the only bridesmaid. Hope this helps. Happy planning!
Wow, what a weird situation with your MOH!
Glad you figured it out though. Even if you ate your words
We have shot so many weddings where the couple did not have a wedding party, and it was still amazing and personal. You can still enlist your sissy and your besties to help you with all of the prewedding crafts and any day-of necessities without having them stand up next to you! It’s entirely up to you, but go with your heart so that when you look back at your big day you won’t have any regrets
That’s what I though. I know my best friends and the people closest to me will still help out. I just don’t necessarily have to include them in my nonexistent wedding party
I agree with the above – totally don’t think you need a wedding party! I feel like having attendants will be stressful for you and inevitably hurtful to your friends and/or sister.
That being said, it might be nice to have a few people that are designated to go through the fun stuff with you. It may open a whole other can of worms, like “who comes to hair and makeup with me?” “Who gets invited to the rehearsal dinner?” etc…but you probably don’t want to go through all the girly parts alone.
I’m going to have a maid of honor, but I’m not even going to have her stand in the ceremony. She’ll be more of a moral support person, but she won’t have to wear anything specific or have most of the other traditional MOH duties. The goal is to have someone to share the fun with, minus the stress. We’ll see!
Hooray for not being afraid to break traditions! My fiance and I are only having one attendant each; his brother as the best man and my sister as the MOH. I too was worried about hurting friends’ feelings by picking some over others but I didn’t want to sacrifice our wishes and have a 16 person bridal party!
At first I felt great about our decision, but then I was worried it might look funny during the ceremony or when I looked at cute bridesmaid things I thought I made a mistake. But it turns out the be one of the best decisions we have made for our wedding so far. It has saved us a TON of money that we didn’t initially consider. No gifts, paying for manicures, hair, makeup, etc. I also didn’t have to stress about pleasing everyone when choosing the dress because my sister said she would wear whatever.
And as far as missing out on all the traditions that usually go along with having bridesmaids, which I was worried about at first, is no longer a factor. My lovely friends have taken it upon themselves to plan my bachelorette party and shower, and they are wanting to show up early on the big day to spend time with me while I get ready. And the most touching part is that I know they are doing all of these things out of love, not because they feel obligated.
Overall, I think your attitude about wanting the day to only be about you and your fiance is the right one. It will make all of the planning that much easier when you keep this most important thing in mind!